A closed child practically does not cause parents problems. He sits quietly alone, does not like noisy outdoor games, and avoids contact with peers and adults. Most often, problems arise when such an uncommunicative child is sent to kindergarten.
In a preschool institution, a closed child is difficult to adapt to the team, cannot ask the teacher even the simplest question, for example, and ask for a toilet. Not hearing the tasks in the classroom, he is afraid to ask an adult again, as a result, he performs it so ineptly that it causes children’s ridicule. He answers questions quietly and indistinctly, and matinees turn for him into a real hell.
If you do not help the child overcome closeness, his position in the peer group will be unenviable. Without active contact with other children, he will be doomed to isolation. At best, a closed toddler will be shunned, at worst – to treat him rudely: to tease, take away toys, etc.
Faced with an active reluctance to go to kindergarten, tears, and tantrums, some mothers give up and put their child in the category of “Nesad children. But such situations can be repeated in school. Inability to adapt to society will have a negative impact on adulthood. If you do not help him in his preschool years, the reticent baby will retain his insecurity for many years.
Gradually, the uncommunicative child adapts to life in his lonely world, which negatively affects his socialization. The need for emotional contact is suppressed, and isolation becomes the cause of a serious inferiority complex. It will be difficult for him to realize himself as a person: find a vocation, start a family, learn to make friends…
What preschool child can be called closed
Psychologists believe that closure is formed after one year. As a rule, such crumbs are strongly attached to the mother and react painfully to her absence. They do not make contact with strangers and do not let their parents leave them for a long time. As they grow older, other symptoms appear:
- The child is more silent, and if he turns to someone, he makes it in an uncertain, quiet voice.
- Poorly adapts to the company of peers: playing alone on the playground, in the kindergarten.
- He tries not to express his judgment, agrees with the majority opinion.
- Does not like to attend children’s sections, circles, where communication is required.
- The child has few or no friends.
- Shy away from talk, the favorite phrase: “I do not know.”
- There is no live gesticulation, often hiding his hands in his pockets or behind his back.
Doctors noted in psychosomatic manifestations of closed preschool children: abdominal pain, frequent shallow breathing, anxiety, mood swings.
Similar behaviors can be observed in overly shy children. However, closeness and shyness are completely different states.
The main difference is that the shy preschool child wants to communicate and is very worried because of its shyness. In a closed child, the need for communication is completely absent. If the first needs to help overcome modesty, then the second needs to be competently motivated to communicate.
Why children become unsociable
Psychologists consider children’s isolation as a complex phenomenon, which is based on personal characteristics, parenting costs, and other reasons. Without eliminating the true motive, it is incredibly difficult to correct the behavior of a closed child. Why do babies grow unsociable?
- Severe disease, forcing you to think that he is not like everyone else.
- If the child is an introvert by nature, a certain amount of isolation is characteristic of him from birth. Correcting this feature of temperament correction will not help. Such a little man can communicate but is dreamy, unemotional, immersed in the inner world.
- Strict education. A child can become withdrawn if parents make excessive demands on him, often scold, express dissatisfaction with his behavior, punish disproportionately misconduct. As a result, he feels his uselessness, and his detachment becomes a means of protection from the negative of others.
- Most likely to become closed has a child of preschool age, characterized by a high level of intelligence.
- Psychological trauma. The kid can withdraw due to strong stress for the child’s psyche. The loss of one of the family members, the divorce of parents, frequent scandals in his presence can serve as a shocking circumstance.
It is difficult to determine the root cause of the lack of communication of young children, as they are much closed and do not yet realize the sources of their behavior. On the other hand, parents who are always nearby, it is also difficult to understand why he became withdrawn. If the reason does not lie on the surface, it is best to contact a child psychologist. Having a joint conversation, he will determine the degree of his isolation, help to distinguish it from shyness and give advice on behavior correction.
It is necessary to be prepared to help the closed child to be liberated – not an easy task. Some babies respond almost immediately, others will need to devote a lot of time and patience.
Directions of working with a closed child
The correction should be carried out in three planes:
- Eliminate the causes of this violation.
- Motivate a child to contact peers and adults.
- Harmonize relationships in the children’s team. Here it is required not only to help the closed child “turn” to his peers but also to remove from it the label of the “white crow”
If the first two points are at the mercy of the parents, possibly with the involvement of a psychologist, then the kindergarten teachers will need to be involved in solving the latter task. If there is no competent specialist in the preschool where your child goes, you need to think about looking for a more progressive group or kindergarten, where an individual approach is applied to the pupils.
Recommendations to parents
Due to the great sensitivity of preschool children, it is necessary to teach them to communicate with great care. It should be avoided to have a strong tactile and psychological impact on the baby: do not break him, take him out of his reverie, do not look intently into his eyes.
A child who has a negative experience of communication should not understand that they intentionally want to engage him in an unpleasant situation for him. Do not insist that he do it against desire, the barrier of isolation cannot be overcome simultaneously.
A calm, cozy, safe atmosphere will help to get rid of uncommunicativeness. For example, when talking, hold his hand, stroke his head, or sit him on his lap. Observe what he likes to do, what games he likes, and do not offer classes unfamiliar to him. Try to gradually diversify the fun of the game, strengthen their expression of their own joy. This will show him that playing together is much more fun than being alone.
The first successes may appear fairly quickly, but you should not delude them. After the “breakthrough” of the shell of a closed child, there will come a kind of “plateau”, when you have to work for a long time without visible results. When contact with close people is improved, a long period of adaptation with the outside world will come. Forcing this stage can lead to the opposite effect.
- Do not force your child to communicate with strangers, but adapt to his reaction. If he refuses to play with the guys, do not insist. Let him stand aside, for the time being, feel the atmosphere of fun.
- Find an area that is interesting to him, and through a discussion of these topics, help to establish communication. If the child is interested in space adventures, write it down to children’s classes in the planetarium. Seeing that his peers are interested in the same thing, he will perceive them as his friends.
- Invite guests to the house more often, show your child by example how important it is for people to communicate, what positive emotions they experience: joy, laughter, surprise.
- If you invited children, do not give them to yourself. Organize joint activities for children’s and adult companies. Board games, guessing riddles, hide-and-seek and your own imagination will help you.
- Give it a sense of belonging to the team. Read fairy tales, attend performances, which tells about friendship, teamwork or creativity, for example: “Turnip”, “Carlson”, “Winnie the Pooh”, etc.
- For closed children of preschool age, games where there is a tactile contact, for example, a train, a sloka, a round dance are useful.
- Provide a sense of security. When the child is in an unfamiliar place, hold his hand. Make it clear that don’t leave him alone.
- Teach your baby to express their emotions with words. Teach your child how to meet. For starters, you can experiment with toys. He should be able to introduce himself, say hello, tell about himself, say goodbye. No matter how formal it sounds, without this friendly communication will not work.
- Artificially create situations where the child should first talk to an adult. For example, he asks you to buy a toy in a store. Ask him to approach the seller and ask him to show how it works. If the child is not yet ripe for such a feat, repeat the request in a week, a month. Gradually, desire overpowered shyness.
- If the child looks different from his peers, think about how to adjust his features. Stuttering, clumsiness – all this prevents him from feeling on equal terms.
- It is much easier for closed children to find a common language with older or younger children. If he has a friend older or younger in age, it will be good training for communication with peers.
- Does communication. Non-contact children are quickly depleted from active pastime; give him time to get comfortable in the company.
- If you go to the theater, theater, oceanarium, museum, invite the children of your friends. After viewing the presentation, they will have many interesting topics for discussion.
And the last. When you feel that the child has learned to overcome reticence, reduce your help to a minimum. It is time for independent actions.