How self esteem affects relationships? Most people are aware when they have self-esteem problems, although they do not know how to fix it or leave it for later because they believe it is a problem that only affects them. Low self-esteem is a personal issue, but it can affect all areas of life, especially social relationships.
How self esteem affects relationships
A person with low self-esteem is an insecure person. And that insecurity is reflected in the way you relate to others. When we feel insecure, also, we are afraid, afraid of making mistakes and afraid of the judgment that others may emit. The problems that shyness can generate when interacting with others are nothing compared to those generated by low self-esteem.
Because by not appreciating ourselves, by not accepting ourselves as we are, by not liking ourselves, we are projecting a bad image of ourselves that others perceive in the form of weakness. Not all people will take advantage of this circumstance to attack us, but some do. In any case, it is not the others from whom we must protect ourselves, but from ourselves and the boycott, we make to our personality.
We must be very careful with low self-esteem. We do not want to be locked in the solitude of our home for fear of intervening in a conversation in public. For feeling ugly and not wanting to be seen, for thinking that it is not worth going to an event since we have nothing to contribute. To imagine that nobody is going to take us into account.
How to improve self-esteem and social life
Although we must be clear that the most important person in our life is the same, we can not forget how rewarding it is to feel loved, supported and understood by others. We need social relationships, but we need them in a relationship of equality and reciprocity. If we do not value ourselves, we can not expect others to appreciate us.
It is not about selling ourselves, of deceiving others by attributing us qualities that we do not have, but simply of letting them know that just as we are, we are great. The moment we begin to like ourselves, we will start liking others.
A good exercise to improve self-esteem in the field of social relationships is to ask a good friend to remind us why she is our friend and why she loves us. Surely we will discover qualities of ourselves that low self-esteem has wanted to keep forgetting.
– Do you often compare with others, always feeling that they are better than you?
When we do this, we are people who feel very insecure and often jealous. We are jealous because the fear we feel that our partner finds someone better than us is too big. Because of that, we see it probable and easy for us to be abandoned by someone with more qualities. This makes us connect with the dreaded fear of being alone that we have most of us hiding inside of us. It causes us a deep and atrocious panic, which can take us to the edge of madness.
We are not going to be left alone, but there is always the possibility that we are left without that person who is our partner at a certain moment. We know that there are no guarantees in love and this is an idea that we can not forget. We have lived without him/her for many years, and therefore, we can continue to do so.
– Do you criticize yourself with negative and limiting thoughts and beliefs?
There are beliefs as I am not capable, I am not important, I am not worthy, I am weak, I am not enough, I do not deserve …that can do us a lot of damage We do not realize it but often we treat ourselves in such a harmful way that we would be unable to use it to treat anyone else. To speak to someone with these messages would not be to treat him, it would be to mistreat him, and we would not be able. So … Why do we do it with us? We are used to talking to each other like that, and that is destroying our self-esteem little by little. We leave feeling worse every day. When we treat ourselves like this, we feel bad, our illusions are diluted, the days darken around us, and everything turns gray, our mood worsens, and our joy disappears. This can lead us to end up destroying the couple’s relationship in which we find ourselves.
– Does it cost you to say NO?
If you often see yourself saying YES when in reality what you want to say is NO, surely you have a problem. This can happen in situations without too much importance like going for a coffee one afternoon. Someone proposes it to us, when in reality what we want is to stay at home resting. Even more serious situations like that our partner insist on making an exchange of couples, and although we do not want it, we end up accepting it.
Whatever the situation, if we do not respect ourselves and what we feel, this will accumulate in our hearts much resentment, anger, anger, frustration, and a host of negative emotions that we should not feed at all. In the long run, there is no doubt that this will lead us to break up and without doubt, having spoken clearly and having respected ourselves, we would have saved ourselves a lot of time of suffering, anguish, and discomfort.
So, it is essential that we become aware of how self esteem affects relationships. We had something to reinforce it, whether reading a book on the subject, attending groups of personal growth and self-esteem or doing a therapy process individual if necessary.
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