How to be a nicer person? Does it take you a long time to make new friends? Too much time? Maybe in the past, when you changed jobs, school or if you moved, people almost did not seem to interact with you or not want to be your friend. Follow the loopholes on how to be a nicer person.
Even with the few who did approach you and talk to you, things did not work out. You have the impression that everyone would want you to be more animated.
You know that in a couple of months you will probably find some people who enjoy being with you. But you would prefer it not to take so long.
You worry about not having that friendly vibes. Well, the good news is that there is nothing wrong with you. Many people experience the frustration of wanting to connect with other people and being friendly but simply not being able to.
How to be a nicer person?
I also had the same problems. And from time to time I still have them despite my knowledge in social skills and psychology.
But this problem is probably not caused by one thing that you are or are not doing. Many of your behaviors and mental states may be causing it. But in general, it may be because you are probably not taking the initiative to converse with people or be yourself. At first, be a good person to others.
Here are some tips on how to be a nicer person:
1. Take the initiative, do not wait for others to do it
To be friendly and make more friends, You have to make it happen. Waiting for others to do it will make you feel helpless and diminish your self-esteem. You are the first to say hello and to introduce yourself. YOU are the first to join a group of your interest (writing, sports, etc.)
Who propose future meetings with people. Yes, this means that many people will reject you because they are simply not interested in being your friends. It also means that you will find people who are very different from you and simply can not connect.
Remember that the smart way to be more friendly is to do it gradually. If you are currently shy, forcing yourself to talk to others could be counterproductive. You will be so nervous that you will never do it again. You would probably give up and stop trying to be more sociable.
Better, practice some basic conversation skills (including body language) one by one with people you already feel comfortable with. In this way, you will practice in an environment without pressure, and you will develop the skills to be able to use them in other interactions.
2.- Make personal revelations
Conversations must work both ways. Ideally, each person should reveal an “equal” and “comparable” amount of information about themselves.
For example, if the other person talks about their cats, you can talk about your pets (or lack of pets). If the other person reveals to you that he is afraid of failing in his work, you can confess that you also feel inadequate at times.
This way people get to know you better and finally you can like them more (in fact there are researches that prove this). So if you do not normally talk about yourself, that may be why people do not consider you friendly.
It is not possible for others to consider your friends if they do not know you. I understand that you may feel vulnerable to reveal personal information “so soon.” Many shy and introverted people withhold personal information until others ask for it specifically. And even in these cases, they may not reveal it.
It may be because you think people will not like you, but the opposite usually happens. When people begin to know you better, they become fond of you faster.
3.- Talk about a great variety of topics
I know many people do not even try to talk to others or be friendly. The whole process seems intimidating. You want to please this person, but you do not know what to say.
And what to say next? Well, the golden rule is to start the conversation and follow it using a wide variety of topics.
Starting this way, you are likely to find topics in which you have things in common. After this, you can delve into these common interests.
I think that starting with a wide variety of topics and then moving towards specific topics works well. This will take away the idea that you have to find something spectacular to talk about from the start. The only thing that makes that idea is to paralyze you.
4.- Be kind and complementary
But only when it is genuine. In other words, do not say that you like your shirt if you do not like it. Just be a little more observant, and you will usually find something that you admire about this person and that you can comment on.
However, be careful not to be overly friendly. Also, make sure to be assertive and see for your own needs. I used to be too kind, and this made people not respect me and trample me.
5.- Know your strengths and trust more in yourself
Let’s be honest here. If you are a shy person or you feel socially inadequate, the points mentioned above may be difficult for you. Things, like making revelations about your life or talking about a variety of topics, may sound logical to you. But when you have to do it, normally one of these two things happens:
You can not even approach the person to talk to him. Your mind goes blank, you act strange, and you do not feel like yourself. What happens is that your anxiety (yes, anxiety) holds you back. Many negative ideas and feelings are crossing your mind. They do not let you think correctly.
That’s why you can not act naturally. This is when confidence, courage, and self-esteem have to come to save the day. The more confidence you have in your social skills, the less anxiety will affect you. And that’s how you start acting naturally and authentically without trying too hard.
One way to start creating confidence in yourself is to know your strengths. Because knowing that you have qualities increases your self-esteem. It also makes you realize that there are many things of value within you. Those things are what makes you special, not the approval of others. This is key because when you learn not to give importance to what others think, you can feel free to act naturally and spontaneously without fearing the “consequences.”
Of course, having more confidence is a whole process. We all want to connect with others. It is a basic human need. And when you’re not sure how to be a nicer person, you can feel very bad. But remember, you’re not the only one who feels that way. Not all of us were born being naturally sociable. Take it little by little and do each of the steps I mentioned one by one. Eventually, with a little effort, you will realize that you will please people faster. Now it’s your turn.