Assertiveness is usually defined as the ability to express opinions, feelings, attitudes, and desires, and to claim one’s rights, at the right time, without excessive anxiety, and in a way that does not affect the rights of others. Courageous and assertive quality can improve your leadership strength. Follow the guide on how to be courageous and assertive.
Popular wisdom says that assertive people get ahead. They say what they think, they ask for the resources they need, they express their wishes and feelings, and they do not accept a no for an answer. But if you are not an assertive person you should not worry, you can become assertive, while still being yourself.
How to be courageous and assertive
1. Start with something small
If the idea of being assertive makes you feel especially bad or insecure, start with low-risk situations. For example, if you order a hamburger, and the waiter brings you a grilled salmon, let him see his mistake and send it back. If you go shopping with your partner and you are trying to decide on a place to eat, express your opinion when choosing where to go.
2. Start by saying no
On the way to being more assertive, he is NOT your best companion. You must say no more often. It is possible to be firm and decided with the NO without ceasing to be considered. In the beginning, saying that it can not make you feel anxious, but over time you will get to feel good and quite liberated.
3. Be simple and direct
When you are affirming yourself, less is more. Make your requests simply and directly. There is no need to elaborate explanations (see below). It is enough to say what you think, feel or desire politely.
4. Use the “me”
When making a request, use the “I.” Always do it in the first person. Instead of saying: “You are very inconsiderate. Why do you ask me to do all these tasks? “, You must say” I am exhausted today. I see that you want me to do all these things, but I will not be able to do them until tomorrow. “
5. Do not apologize for expressing a need or desire
Unless you are asking for something that is manifestly unreasonable, there is no reason to feel guilty or embarrassed for expressing a need or desire. So stop apologizing when you ask for something. Just ask politely and wait to see how the other person responds. Being assertive is communicating.
6. Uses body language and tone of voice
You must appear sure when making a request or indicating a preference. Stand up, lean a little, smile or maintain a neutral facial expression, look the person in the eye, are actions that denote security. You should also make sure you speak clearly and loudly enough.
7. You do not have to justify or explain your opinion
When you make a decision or give an opinion that others do not agree with, one way they will try to exercise control over you will be to demand that you give a justification of your choice, opinion or behavior. If you can not find a sufficient reason, assume that you must agree with what they want.
Non-assertive people, with their need to please, feel compelled to give an explanation or a justification for every choice they make, even if the other person did not ask for it. They want to make sure that everyone agrees with their choices, and in this way what they are doing is asking permission to live their own lives.
8. Be persistent
Sometimes you face situations in which initially you do not find an answer to your requests. Do not just tell yourself: “At least I tried.” Often to be treated fairly you have to be persistent. For example, if a flight was canceled, keep asking about other options, such as transferring to another airline, to get to your destination on time.
9. Keep Calm
If someone disagrees with or disapproves of your choice, opinion or request, you should not get angry or defensive. It is better to seek a constructive response or decide to avoid this person in future situations.
10. Choose your battles
A common mistake we make on the road to being more assertive is to try to be firm all the time. Assertiveness is situational and contextual. There may be cases in which being assertive will not get you anywhere and taking a more aggressive or passive stance is the best option.
Sometimes, it is undoubtedly necessary to hide the feelings. However, learning to express your opinions, and most importantly, to respect the validity of those opinions and desires. It will make you a person with greater confidence. The result of an aggressive action can lead you to get exactly what you want, or perhaps a commitment, or maybe a rejection, but regardless of the result. It will lead you to feel closer to controlling your own life and help you to be courageous and assertive.
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