Who else, who least cares about the image it gives, what others think about it if it has made a good impression, etc. It is not strange, we are social beings that we are, prefer that our opinions be validated by the reference groups to which we belong. How to be good to others? It’s very simple. Continue reading.
Nothing is surprising, or insane in wanting to please others, as long as this does not take you to the extreme and you enslave the famous “what will they say about me?” It is important to differentiate between preferring to fall well and needing to please everyone, always and at all costs.
The second option is usually the result of low self-esteem and ends up conditioning the behavior. However, the first option is perfectly healthy and normal.
In that line, I encourage you to learn to be nice, not so much for the reasons that you probably have in your head (” if I am nice, I will do better in life, I will get more from people, and I will be more successful ), but for one in particular:
When one is related with sympathy with others, the image he has of himself is more pleasant, more positive, and that comforts, nourishes and increases self-esteem.
And look carefully that I did not say “when one falls well” (but when it is nice) because everyone, in the same way, does not interpret a behavior.
How to be good to others?
Sympathy is a social skill and as such can be learned. Some have more ease, and it shows. But anyway we can all exercise in this ability to connect positively with others. If there is something you want to improve in this regard, some guidelines on how to be good to others and develop sympathy naturally are:
Take care of your nonverbal language:
Gives a warm and relaxed smile, without it being forced (the one that shows the excess teeth tightening the lips). If you can concentrate on what that particular person is bringing you, it will come out on its own.
Have ocular contact at intervals. Direct the look to the eyes or between the eyebrows, and remove it at times so as not to intimidate.
Match your physical distance to the one demanded by the interlocutor. In the first minutes of the conversation, you can evaluate the space with which you feel comfortable both and adapt to it fluidly.
Assert with affirmative movements of the head before some comments from the other to make him see that you understand and listen.
Give verbal feedback
This means that you let the other person know that you are listening to him, that you are there listening to what he says, that you give importance to what he shares with you.
It is difficult to convey sympathy if you show yourself as a block of stone. Better a short interaction than a long one in which you start to give signs of “I do not listen to you. I disconnected a long time ago. “
Interstate authentically by the opinions and feelings of the other. Everyone has something to contribute.
You can make the echo game, in which you repeat (not verbatim) the message that has come from the other person ( “Yes, what you want to say is that … of course, what you are saying is that …”).
Listen and speak 50%
Address the other person by name, and keep this in mind throughout the talk. Find a balance between speaking and listening, without overturning the focus on yourself, or subjecting an interrogation to the one in front of you.
Some studies reflect how people who speak and listen in equal percentages (50 or 60-40%) are usually perceived as more sympathetic than those who mostly speak, surpassing even those who listen to a higher percentage.
That is to say, it attracts us and awakens us more sympathy who listens to us with attention, and at the same time has something interesting to contribute.
Quickly search for common content or information
It detects in the first moments of the dialogue what it is that can unite to the other. It conveys the conversation towards those values, hobbies, thoughts, contexts, etc. related, soon creating a sense of complicity and identification of ideas.
With this, you minimize the differences or discrepancies, without being false or “give the reason as fools.” It is not about showing interest in a conversation that does not call you to any degree.
Rather, it is skillfully sniffing out where there are potentially common themes that create the intersection so necessary to provoke sympathy.
Use the sense of humor
This is the star pattern that can also be enhanced. It’s not about telling jokes or being funny, be open to see the comic or absurd side of things and point it out.
Any unforeseen situation or situation can be a good opportunity to be confident, relaxed and why not laugh at one’s failures.
Who brings humor and joy, is usually well received and valued from the start.
Be honest and be yourself
This is not a phrase, is what we value most in others: authenticity. That ability to show oneself as such is, with education, sensitivity, and tact, but without an exacerbated need for social approval.
Therefore, do not pretend, what is the point of showing you sympathy with someone that does not seem so to you?
This makes us return to the approach of what we started: why you want to be nice. Learn to be, to choose when to be and when not.
Keep in mind two aspects to avoid. Negativity: Disregarding hurtful, disqualifying or sarcastic comments about third parties, only generate discomfort and tension in those who hear them.
Paternalism: Try to get away from the dogmatic tone, giving lectures on each statement and giving unsolicited advice. Sympathy is like the expression of thought, a right that can be exercised or not; we are free to do so.