Imagine that you were able to exert a magnetic presence on people. That, without intending to, you will get attention in conversations and people will appreciate your opinions. That people enjoy your company and want to spend more time with you, sharing dreams and ideas. In this article, I am going to explain how to be more charismatic along with 10 practical keys that you can start applying today to achieve a magnetic presence. Let’s go there!
How to be more charismatic?
However, the reality is usually quite different. It is difficult for you to make yourself heard, people quickly lose interest in you and feel that you go unnoticed in most situations, as if your presence did not even matter.
We live in a world of extroverts. Society rewards direct people and without fear of speaking, even when what they only say are obvious or nonsense. Nowadays, the ability to express an idea is valued more than the idea itself.
Fortunately, science has been studying for years what makes a person charismatic or not. And, although there is an innate part, they can also be observed, practiced and learned.
What are the benefits of being charismatic?
The ability to relate and connect with people has shown innumerable advantages in a multitude of scientific studies. Surely, nothing will be able to bring more joy to our life.
In one of the largest social studies in history, it was found that our happiness and health are directly related to the quality of our relationships, well above our professional successes or economic power.
Being more specific, I’ll mention three of the most studied benefits below:
1. Your professional career will improve (and your salary too)
In a 20-year longitudinal study, extroversion and verbal fluency were the most determining factors in the professional progression of graduates in a business school, while a Talentsmart research quantified that workers with higher social-emotional skills earn an average of 29,000 dollars more per year. Imagine what that extra money can mean during a forty-year career!
2. You will enjoy more friendships
Logically, the most charismatic people also have larger social circles. As measured in a study in children and adolescents, more than doubled. And, although as we get older we lose friends, that difference is always present.
3. You will live with more health
In another meta-analysis, it was found that social relationships increased life expectancy even over habits such as exercising or quitting smoking.
According to this study, the mortality rate of the people most satisfied with their social circle was 50% lower than the rest. 50%!
You see that all are advantages. But if you do not consider yourself charismatic, do not despair. Several investigations have revealed what behaviors are related to the charism, so next, you will find ten that you can start implementing today.
10 practical keys that you can use today
1. Answer quickly
In one study, some participants observed how students in a class answered a series of questions about general culture. Subsequently, they were asked how charismatic they thought each student was. Common sense would make us think that those who answered the most correct questions were judged to be more charismatic and intelligent, right?
Well, no. The charisma had no relationship with the intelligence of the students, but with the speed with which they had answered each question, regardless of whether they did it right or wrong. In other words: it is more charismatic to respond quickly and with vehemence than to do it with the correct answer.
Unfair? Maybe, but this is how social perceptions are formed. When someone expresses his opinion firmly, we tend to assume that he knows what he is talking about.
If you want to be more charismatic, do not hesitate. Answer quickly and with aplomb when they ask you or ask for an opinion. You can always correct it later.
2. Gesture with your hands
Charismatic people do not hold still when they speak, but they support their messages with the gestures of their hands. In one study, the audience rated as more competent and effective the speakers who gesticulated with their hands while talking, versus those who kept them quiet.
Not only that, but it has also been proven that reinforcing your words with your hands causes others to remember your messages better.
The key is to use gestures that correspond to the meaning of the words, not random movements, and avoid those with negative connotations. There is a correct way to gesticulate:
Our interlocutor gets up to 40% more involved with our message if we move the palm upwards or towards him when compared to the palm downwards. Accompany your messages with abundant gestures with your hands.
3. Use emotional words
There are certain words more memorable than others. Thanks to them you can create more charismatic messages. It is about emotional words, those that instead of leaving us cold, evoke feelings and sensations.
The most charismatic people add passion to their messages and usually do so by means of names and adjectives that convey emotions.
Get used to using more emotional words in your dialogues. For example, instead of “it’s a very good movie” you could say “it’s a movie orgasm”.
4. Be interested in others
If you want someone to care about you, you should try to impress him, right? This is what almost everyone does when they want to get someone’s attention.
It turns out that in a study conducted in 1994 it was found that the memories we have at a certain time affect our emotional state at that time.
In other words, others do not feel good when you tell them about their successes: they feel good when they tell you theirs. And if they feel that way in your presence, they will want to spend more time with you.
If you want to be interesting, you should be interested in others, allowing them to talk about what generates positive emotions, such as their hobbies, passions or successes. This is one of the principles of the charism.
5. Make evident what binds you to them
Surely you already know that similarity is a fundamental ingredient for creating social bonds, but what may surprise you is that the amount of similarity is more important than its quality.
In other words, it has been shown that it is not on what we agree, but on how much we agree. The more similarities we have with someone, the more they attract us, regardless of what they are.
When charismatic people detect a possible common ground with their interlocutor, they do not let it escape. It does not matter that it seems trivial, because they know that the more similar, the better. They expose it and direct the conversation there.
Get used to making evident what unites you with people, even if it is as simple as sharing the sign of the horoscope or favorite color. You will attract them more.
6. Demonstrate vulnerability
In June 1992, during the campaign for the presidency of the United States, Bill Clinton presented a 33% intention to vote in the polls. A month later, it had skyrocketed to 77%. What did Clinton do to achieve such popularity in such a short space of time?
Until then, all the pretenders to the White House had assumed that to be charismatic they had to show a confident and powerful attitude. But Clinton, in an incredible script turn, did the opposite.
During several appearances on television shows, he exposed his private life to all Americans. From his childhood, marked by the death of his father days before he was born, to what it meant to have an alcoholic stepfather.
What Clinton taught us is that for others to connect with you, it is essential that you give them your trust. And that only you get it by exposing your insecurities.
One study wanted to demonstrate this theory. In it, the participants had to listen to several job interviews and assess the appreciation they felt for each one of the applicants. And you know what? Well, the candidate who made a mistake and was more vulnerable was the best valued.
Do not be afraid to reveal your dreams, fears or worries. Perfection and hermeticism are enemies of the charism.
7. Repeat your name
Some time ago I noticed that the majority of charismatic people I know often repeat the name of those people they are talking to.
At that time I considered it a coincidence, but time has shown me that I was wrong. It turns out that in an investigation conducted by magnetic resonance it was found that when we hear our own name, the area of pleasure in our brain is activated.
Perhaps these charismatic people did it unconsciously, but they were provoking to their interlocutors a pleasant sensation that increased their desire to be near them.
During your conversations, repeatedly pronounce the name of your interlocutor without being forced. You will get me to enjoy your presence more.
8. Use funny moral infractions
Another characteristic of charismatic people is their sense of humor. Fortunately, science has also identified what makes us more fun.
What we find funny varies according to the culture and each individual, but what a popular study of 2010 defined as benign moral infractions are the closest thing to a kind of universal humor.
These infractions are actions that break the established moral norm without arriving at true negative consequences for anyone, such as someone spilling the soda on their boss or having their pants fall in front of their mother-in-law.
It requires practice to calibrate where the limit is, but you can commit these infractions by talking about unusual topics, such as sex or religion, without directly judging anyone.
So that nobody feels attacked, I recommend that you start being yourself the subject of the infraction. That is, laugh at your own religion or sex life without it being offensive; others will surely do the same.
Laugh at yourself; that will give you carte blanche to joke about everything else.
9. Make honest compliments
According to the psychological phenomenon of reciprocity, we are attracted to those people we know we like. That’s why charismatic people do not hesitate to show their appreciation for others by complimenting them.
The effectiveness of compliments to make people feel good is enormous. It has even been shown that receiving a compliment activates the same area of the brain as receiving money.
Get used to making compliments to others more frequently. People will feel better by your side if you appreciate their efforts, acknowledge their merits and remind them of their positive attributes. Consequently, they will feel more attracted to you.
10. Touch more … and better
In a curious study, the researchers formed pairs of students and asked them to hold a conversation between them. At the end of the study, participants were asked to appreciate the affection and connection they had felt for their interlocutor.
But what the participants did not know is that their partner was actually a camouflaged actor whose mission was to touch the participant in half the conversations.
The results were conclusive: those actors who had touched the participant during the course of the conversation were valued as more sociable and close.
Contact is a multiplier of the emotional connection. Unconsciously, we associate it with those people with whom we have the greatest link, such as our family or closest friends. That is why, when you touch someone, you are predisposed to connect with you.
But beware! Touching can also generate rejection if you do it inappropriately. The type of contact capable of increasing your charisma has amazing characteristics. Go for it!