Do you suffer from loneliness? I have two good news for you: 1) It is not a disease, so we should not treat it. Obviously, it is a state of mind that should not be overlooked. 2) The solution exists even if it requires lively participation by those who complain about this psychological distress.
The condition of the aforementioned second point is crucial if you want the solution. It is necessary to arm oneself with goodwill in applying antidotes. Most failures do not derive from the ineffectiveness of the techniques but from certain negligence in implementing the solutions. I suggest a firm decision knowing that any change in one’s life has a cost in terms of commitment.
How to overcome loneliness?
1 – Inwardly refute to possess a personality prone to loneliness
This is the indispensable platform for starting any other technique. If you believe you have a problematic personality, you can’t get out of this mess. If you persevere in maintaining this belief, then you will be destined to preserve this perception indefinitely.
2- Be more demanding with yourself
Usually, we have a lot of expectations about others and their behavior or what should happen positively in their lives. From here, the step towards disappointment is short. So don’t ask for luck to kiss you or for people to be understanding or present or good. You must ask yourself/for more will and the desire to experiment. You must accept the idea that only you can change things, but this requires a change on your part. On the other hand, solitude is a personal experience that can find its own dissolution only in an inner transformation.
3 – Do new activities where to meet people
The choice is vast: gyms, dance school, volunteer activities, theatrical performances, themed conferences, cinema, concerts, organized trips, photography courses, painting courses, etc. Depending on your age, you will find a wide range of possibilities. Whatever your choice, you need to try to interact with the people you meet.
4- Take the initiative
In any new experience, you need to create new knowledge by taking the initiative. Shyness could hinder you, creating the feeling of not being able to take the first step. Shyness requires a different approach from that to which this article aims. So at the moment, I suggest you not emphasize this supposed limit. Act with all the strength you have. At first, you will blush; your voice will be insecure. After some small failures and after the first few bars, the discomfort will soon disappear. The most that can happen is that people will notice that you are a little awkward. But it is not a terrible defect to turn anyone away. Sometimes, it can even encourage the other to follow up on your spirit of initiative.
5- Create a friendship without being nagging
Sometimes, someone tries to find friends by forcing the hand, trying to be excellent at all costs or tormenting the new acquaintance. Insistence can damage the friendship. Then move forward gradually. You must learn to be patient expecting no more from others than they want to give you.
6 – Personal but light conversations
When we know people with whom we feel at ease, it’s easy to let yourself go to personal confidences, criticisms, and judgments about others or the world. Attention: Some arguments can scare or annoy the other. We need to measure the cases well and pay attention to the sensitivity of the interlocutor without hurting his beliefs and his intimate convictions. Don’t talk too much about your problems.
7 – Listen to the interlocutor and ask questions
The common problem is that we tend to talk a lot and ask a few questions. Sometimes this is because of an attempt to block embarrassment (we fear silence), other times it depends on a lack of sensitivity and empathy. If you want to create a friendship, know that it is necessary to pay attention to the needs of the other, to his problems and his interests. Ask questions, when you talk, take breaks, and check that the other person has nothing to say. When the other speaks carefully, listen to him to ask specific questions concerning what he has just expressed.
8 – Develop your interests
Remember that people choose friends based on a shared interest. Develop more interests and knowledge: these will be the magnet. Stay informed, read books (not only novels but also essays), cultivate some hobbies like painting, music, singing, photography, bricolage, embroidery, history …
You don’t have to surprise others being something special. Relax, you can be enjoyable even with your characteristics. You must work only to improve what you can grow in your interests, hobbies, and arguments.
Developing interests serves not only to be more attractive but above all, to be attracted to something else besides the company of people. Immerse yourself in passions to nourish your heart to enjoy the things you have and do.
9 – Talk to everyone
Get used to saying hello to people on the street and smiling at them. Make an exchange with the cashier, the baker, or the postman. Ask how they are, make a few jokes and smile as much as you can. Talk to your neighbor and keep cheerful with people at work. Remember that too often, crushed by the weight of daily pressures. We end up doing precisely the opposite by closing in on the entire world. But that way you won’t get anything good or new. All the people you meet casually or daily are means by which you can train yourself to become a socially desirable person. And if you have tension with your neighbor, then buy some chocolates and give this gift. And don’t say “I can’t do it,” because it’s not true! A more satisfying relationship life also improves health!
10 – Always make the first move
Don’t wait for others to take the first step. You’ll end up perpetuating your current state of mind. Act on what you have already read without delay and without delaying until tomorrow. Today is the right time NOW!
11 – Do not put yourself at the center of the world
Those who suffer from loneliness also manifest feelings of grief, sadness, and unhappiness. One reason is that one expects to be loved, sought after, and considered. But in doing so, we burn this opportunity because in seeking affection. We communicate discomfort so that the surrounding people will feel obliged and take a step backward. If we live with constant pain, we risk attracting nurses and not friends. Unhappiness then becomes inevitable. The solution is not to pretend to be loved, not to put ourselves at the center of the world. If we focus on the well-being of the other, then we will be active in being more available, more kind, understanding, empathetic, and friendly. These are very inviting ingredients for others. Friendship is upon us.
12 – Thanks every day for what you have
If you believe in God, don’t pray to him for help, but thank him for all the good things he gave you and give you at all times. If you do not believe in God, then thank the same: if God does not exist, you have lost nothing, if God exists, then you will have shown due gratitude. You will have learned to see what you have.
13 – Do not put sex or the need to find a partner first
It can happen that you exchange solitude for a kind of inner emptiness a person can only fill that at your side. And in the absence of this partner, they fall back on several surrogates: food, sweets, ropes, alcohol, but also sex for a moment. I would say that these elements cannot eliminate the sense of loneliness. There are people without partners and without the possibility of having sexual relations. It does not suffer from loneliness at all. So I suggest you not look for these compensatory means because the Great void that can derive from it is worse than the Small void they fill.
14 – Call or get together with the people you know
There is already in your life a circle of people willing to relate to you. Perhaps relationships are complicated and not very enthusiastic: it’s up to you to make them so! Use what you read on the previous points, and you see that the horizon reserve surprises that you don’t expect. Call people on the phone to greet them and ask if everything is ok. Don’t ask for something for yourself and you’ll see new things happen.
15 – Be proactive – organize events
Think of things that would be nice to do in the company: going to the spa, a walk in the mountains, the sea, the swimming pool, skiing, ice skates, tennis, picking mushrooms, a walk at night in the snow, dinner, taking a macrobiotic cooking class, etc…. and then invite your acquaintances to participate. You can do it using a social network or directly by voice or phone (advisable). When you propose, don’t insist. Explain the idea, the details, and to whom you have given the proposal, leave the guest free to respond freely without showing expectations or disappointed expressions if he answers no.
16 – Do things yourself and find pleasure in doing so
Apart from hobbies and interests to cultivate, he occupies your free time with simple, non-binding interests. For example, you are watching a movie sitting comfortably on your couch and having a nice cup of herbal tea in front of you. Think about the happy condition you have in doing this and enjoy the moment. So learn to enjoy your being alone too. Walking, shopping, cooking on your own, and for yourself can be a motivating experience if you do it with the spirit of someone who understands. It is a privilege to do it.
17 – Do not forget that the above techniques are only the beginning of a journey
If you start this path, then there is to improve your existence, be part of a larger project that includes your overall improvement. All the goals you set can be reached, and your life can reward if you agree to transform yourself. Take part in personal improvement events and choose the life you want.