Does this thought often come to mind: “my husband hates my family”? Do you feel like you are in a constant war between your family and your partner? Do not despair, in this article we bring you some key ideas to improve the relationship between your partner and your family.
However, before we will discuss three possible circumstances (or causes) that could be occurring along with this situation, and that may perhaps help you better understand the reason for everything.
My husband hates my family: possible circumstances
You think the following: “My partner does not love my family”, but you do not understand why. There are many causes (or circumstances) that could explain it, but here you will find some quite frequent that could occur in your case.
So why doesn’t my partner love my family? What circumstances may accompany the situation you are experiencing? Let’s see some:
1. Your family does not like your partner
One of the possible circumstances surrounding the fact that your partner does not like your family is that your family does not like your partner either.
This, of course, is often noticed, and it may happen that your partner notices that your family does not like him, which in turn causes a certain distance between both parties or even the emergence of conflicts. That is, it may be that there is no feeling between your family and your partner and that this “dislike” is mutual.
2. They have nothing in common
Another possible circumstance that surrounds the issue is that, simply, your family and your partner have nothing in common.
This can make your partner lazy to attend family events, or you may not directly like them because they have never connected in any way. Thus, the lack of common interests can provoke a situation like the one we are raising.
3. For your family your partner is insufficient
It can also happen that your family thinks that your partner is not enough for you (good enough, smart, rich, whatever). In other words, they think that you deserve something “better”.
Couples end up noticing this, which can cause that your partner does not feel sympathy for your family, and directly “does not love her”, because these thoughts towards her logically make her feel bad (feeling, in turn, “little thing” for your son).
4. Your partner feels that your family is intruding too much
There are political families more “invasive” than others in the emotional field of their relatives; that is, fathers and mothers who get into their partner’s relationships a lot, and others who give them more freedom, more freedom.
In the first case, it can happen that your partner feels overwhelmed by the interference of your family in the relationship and that this burden is the cause of not wanting to be with your family (or directly “do not want”).
How to improve the situation?
If you constantly feel this feeling or thought that your partner does not like your family, it may be time to consider some changes in your life and get down to work to change the situation.
It must be clear, however, that for this it is essential that both you and your partner really want to change this situation and improve your partner’s relationship with your family. That is, there must be real motivation and interest. Without this first step, it is impossible to change anything.
We are going to divide this section into two: in the first, we will talk about guidelines or key ideas that your partner can put into practice to improve the relationship with your family (who are usually your parents), and in the second, about guidelines or key ideas that you can put into practice yourself.
1. Guidelines for the couple
When you think that your partner does not love your family, you should also consider the following: how can she help to change the situation? (in addition to yourself). Always in the case that she wants, and that this path is focused on improving your relationship as well if she has been affected by the situation. Here are some guidelines:
1.1. To speak with your family
A first idea is that directly, your partner talks to your family. You can simply approach her little by little, to find out if there is an underlying problem or conflict that she is unaware of, or directly ask.
Depending on the circumstances and trust, you can inquire into these questions or ask directly if they have a problem with it. It can also be a good opportunity to approach positions, empathize with the other party, listens, understands each other, smooth out rough edges, etc.
1.2. Organize some activity together
Another idea is that your partner, or both (with you) organize some activity or event to share time together. The ideal would be to develop it in a warm, pleasant and relaxed environment so that conflicts do not arise and things can be talked about quite naturally.
2. Guidelines for oneself
If you want to be yourself / who takes the reins of the situation and act, here are some tips that can help you:
2.1. Talk to your partner
A first step you can do is to talk directly to your partner about the situation; about how you feel about it, what you think, how it is affecting you, how she lives it, etc. Find a good time to do it, and to be able to share feelings, thoughts or beliefs about the current situation. Surely your partner also needs to “vent” and express their concerns and needs in this regard.
2.2. To speak with your family
Beyond talking to your partner, it may also be important that you talk to your family, and that you express how you feel about this situation. Are they uncomfortable with your partner? They do not like it? Do they feel that your partner rejects them? How do they live it?
These are just some questions you can ask your family, directly or indirectly. The goal is for your family to understand that for you, both your partner and she are important and that you do not want the relationship with her to harm your relationship or family dynamics.
Choose between family or partner?
It is one thing to feel “my partner does not love my family”, and the other, which goes much further, is having to choose between your partner or your family. If this has not been raised by any of the parties, you do not have to ask yourself, at least a priori.
Ideally, you should be able to maintain both relationships and one should not be incompatible with the other. In the end, we are human, and people, speaking, understand each other. However, if things get too ugly, or if there is a lot of tension between your partner and your family (and you’ve already tried everything), perhaps it is a good time to think.
You don’t have to be radical and decide between “one thing or another”, but you can perhaps consider distributing your time between both facets of your life, equally, and without your partner having too much contact with your family. We are already talking about extreme cases, but sometimes they do happen.