One of the most frequent problems in my practice is low self-esteem . Low self-esteem leads to a negative perception about oneself, and is a factor that can limit us a lot in our daily life. The truth is that, on many occasions, patients do not know how to identify that they suffer from low self-esteem. Why?
Because low self-esteem leads to other types of problems that are the supposed cause for which they come to the psychologist, problems such as symptoms of anxiety , depression , behavior problems, stress, addictions, etc. and here are some tips to know how to identify what is happening to us and how we can solve it. It is easy to increase self-esteem , you just have to put a little effort.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is the set of beliefs, perceptions, evaluations and thoughts we have about ourselves, the assessment we make based on our experiences .
What symptoms can tell me that I have low self-esteem?
Some of the main symptoms that can warn us that our self-esteem is not in the best moment are the following:
- I have no confidence in myself
- I do not express my likes or opinions for fear of being rejected or for thinking that my opinions do not have the same value as the opinions of others
- I do not feel worthy of the good things in life
- I do not strive to get what I want because beforehand I think I will not achieve it
- I do not relate to others as I would like because I think I will not do it well and they will leave me aside
- I need the approval of others very often
- I let myself be stepped on easily since I do not dare to impose myself when necessary
- I see other people as superior to me and I would like to be like them
- I am afraid to say what I feel, and maybe I do not like others what I say
- I usually attribute to external causes my achievements and internal causes my failures
- I’m almost never happy with what I do since I think I could be better
- I do not feel happy
- It’s hard for me to finish what I start since I am very demotivated
- Decision making becomes very difficult because I think that whatever I decide will be the wrong option, so I let myself be carried away by what others decide, even if it’s my own life
- I think about my weaknesses and almost never stop to think about my strengths
- I feel nervous most of the day
- It is almost impossible to take the initiative
- I feel evaluated almost constantly in social situations
- I feel guilty
- I feel unattractive
- I envy the lives of others
- I feel that I have nothing to contribute
If you have felt this way on several occasions, the rest of your problems may come from having low self-esteem . Let’s try to solve it with some exercises so that you begin to value yourself and believe in you. You could be surprised at your abilities if you try to improve your self-esteem.
How can I increase my self-esteem?
Many people wonder if there is any way to improve their own self-esteem. Obviously there is no magic potion, but we must realize that only each person can improve in this regard based on evidence and following some tips based on scientific evidence .
We have to be realistic with both our virtues and our shortcomings. We are not perfect, but the intention is not to be. The goal is to be happy . So to achieve this we must accept the things we do not do so well and learn from it. And of course, do not downplay the things we know how to do well, but value them as they deserve.
We will observe and be aware of how good we are, how good we are, how good we are. Why keep thinking that I am a disaster? Where has this kind of reasoning led me?
Start thinking positive
Change your thoughts . The “I can not” for “I’m going to try”, “I’m going to be successful” “it’s going to be fine”. It seems a cliché but forcing yourself a bit to look at the good things in life can help us get out of the negative dynamic. If we realize that we have many things to value, it is easier to get out of the negative loop.
Set realistic goals
And that you can fulfill. Goals to which it is relatively easy to reach. Little by little we can increase them, and we will see that step by step we are achieving what we propose. If we fail, we learn from it without blaming ourselves for our mistakes , since failure is a way of knowing how to do it differently the next time. Dare to face challenges.
Do not compare yourself
Each person is a world and you are the owner of yours. Focus on you . In your life. Envying and idealizing the life of the rest, the only thing we will achieve is to feel miserable. We all have something good to contribute, and it is up to us to find the right path.
Accept and forgive yourself
Write a letter in which you describe everything you do not like about yourself, and everything that you feel guilty about. Do not leave anything. Read it carefully and value what you can improve. Say goodbye to that letter and smash it into a thousand pieces. From that moment start from scratch, with everything you’ve learned but leaving behind the guilt. You still have time to do a clean slate and a new account .
Make constructive criticisms about yourself
That everything you say will serve to improve, not to stagnate and blame you. Also, learn to fit the criticisms in a way that does not affect you.
Treat yourself with love and respect, always
You are the best thing that has happened to you, so prove it. You have the right to be happy . And to make others happy by spreading your optimism.
Give yourself time
Do activities that make you happy. It is the best way to find yourself and develop your skills without hurry but without pause.
Overcome your ballast
There are people who live dragging backpacks full of weight: jobs that do not satisfy them, relationships that do not bring them anything, habits they do not like … To overcome all these burdens , it is necessary to take some control over the situation, think positive and try to change them
Every night before you go to bed …
… Think about the good things that the day has brought you , the challenges overcome, the mistakes we have made and how we can improve.
Try, for 30 days, to put these tips into practice. You will see that when the month ends you will feel better and many of the symptoms you felt disappear. And remember, there is only one person capable of changing your life, and that person, is you!
Learn to love yourself
In the following article we explain more interesting aspects about the perception you have of yourself, and how to achieve improvement in what you propose. We hope these tips are useful for you and that you achieve this good path that you have started today.
AND WHAT CAN WE DO TO IMPROVE OR RECOVER OUR SELF-ESTEEM?
The first thing would be to answer the questions of a simple questionnaire, like the one I propose below:
It is basically to know / inquire what is the level of our self-esteem and assess the causes of the loss of it.
These would be the questions to answer, with the maximum sincerity possible:
- Do I accept myself?
- Am I a valuable person?
- Do I have a personality?
- Am I happy with myself?
- Do others appreciate me and take me into account?
- Am I able to do things as well as others?
- Do others recognize me?
- Do they miss me, when I’m not there or missing some meeting or meeting?
- Do I have personal appeal?
- Do I know how to use humor as a personal attraction and to improve relationships with others?
- Do I have confidence in myself for the future?
Responding positively to all or almost all the questions would indicate that we enjoy acceptable self-esteem .
Apart from these questions we would also have to inquire if we have correctable physical, mental or social health problems and if our lifestyle is correct and healthy , and if what we do in life makes sense to us. Is life worth living?
You have to maintain a high self-esteem and an optimal perception of your own value and well-being.
The answer to some of these questions would be incumbency of competent professionals (doctors, psychologists …) if the loss of self-esteem derived from serious disorders (depression, chronic exhaustion, chronic insomnia, nutritional deficiencies, cognitive impairment, neurosis, immobility, cancer, old age extreme …).
Finally, self- esteem is the assessment , generally positive, of oneself . For psychology , it is the emotional opinion that individuals have of themselves and that exceeds rationalization and logic in their causes. In other words, self-esteem is a valued feeling of our set of bodily, mental and spiritual traits that make up the personality . This feeling can change over time: from five or six years of age, a child begins to form the concept of how it is seen by the rest of the people.
The maintenance of a good self-esteem is essential in any psychotherapy , since it is usually constituted as a recurrent symptom in different behavioral problems. Therefore, there are psychologists who define self-esteem as the function of the organism that allows self-protection and personal development , since weaknesses in self-esteem affect health , social relations and productivity. The concept of self-esteem is very important in the field of psycho-pedagogy . This discipline considers self-esteem as the cause of constructive attitudes in individuals, and not their consequence. This means that if a student has good self-esteem, then they can achieve good academic results. Self-esteem is also often a value analyzed from self-help , with thousands of books that teach how to protect and encourage it. However, there are sectors of psychology that believe that self-help can be harmful to the individual, as it promotes a narcissistic profile that affects social relationships.