If you talk sensibly, then any person will agree that envy is not good. But when it comes to practice, it becomes much more difficult to control your evil desires. Feeling depends and angry in certain situations is not common to everyone, but still enough for many people and it is not at all proof that you are a bad person. Rather, it means that you are a living person, able to experience a wide range of emotions. However, pleasant in such feelings is not enough. And if you have already come to understand that it would be nice to get rid of feelings of envy and start living more freely and liberated, then everything that is written below can serve you well.
Why do we feel jealous?
To begin with, let’s see why we are able to feel envy and anger. Psychological reasons here can be quite a lot:
- Dissatisfaction in your own life. We all sometimes feel that we could have achieved more at work or in school, what could have looked better, that we could have a more well-organized personal life, and so on. And, of course, when we meet a person who seems to us to be the embodiment of this very “something bigger”, we almost automatically become angry.
- Lack of self-confidence. Life is a path, not a destination, and you may not be jealous of those who have achieved more in it, because you also have the time and resources to achieve your goals. But in this case, envy may arise from the fact that you do not believe in yourself enough. You doubt that even if you put enough effort you can achieve the same as the object of your envy.
- Laziness and lack of motivation. What a sin to conceal, it is sometimes common for each person to be lazy – the main thing is that it does not turn into something pathological. And, of course, sitting on the couch of the mountain will not turn. Therefore, the appearance of someone who has found the strength to take up his life and move forward on the path to his dream makes us angry and annoying. It reminds of the low efficiency of our pleasant and safe sitting on the sofa.
- Features of life or upbringing in childhood. Very many things from the field of psychology have deep roots in the early period of a person’s life. And if, for example, your parents have repeatedly made envious speeches about other adults in your presence, then you too are more likely to be an envious person. Or, for example, if in childhood your family was very poor and your parents did not consider it necessary to talk with you on this topic and explain that money is not the main thing in life.
These are the most common reasons. And if you have found yours/yours among them, then you are already on the right path to getting rid of feelings of envy and anger.
Why does envy have to be fought?
Before we go directly to the tips on how to get rid of feelings of envy, we will decide why you need it at all. After all, a correct understanding of the situation and competent motivation is a very important component of success in any business.
Let’s start with the fact that envy is different:
- Weak, superficial. It includes those cases where you quickly and fleetingly notice something or someone with an envious glance but soon forget about it.
- Deep this is the feeling of envy that makes you almost always remember about the object that caused it. Remember, get angry and annoyed.
- The so-called “white”. This is the only kind of such a feeling that you should not get rid of: envy without anger, envy as joy for the success of another person. And, perhaps, as an incentive for their own development and self-improvement.
The first two kinds of envy are bad for many reasons. The first and most obvious: they spoil your mood. But, worst of all (especially in the case of deep envy), such feelings of envy can also push you to destructive thoughts and actions. Destructive both in relation to you and your own life and in relation to the life of the person who angered you with his success.
How to get rid of feelings of envy
Not for nothing about envious people say that they have a “black heart” – envy dries up, makes you forget about your plans and dreams, makes it difficult to concentrate on what is really important to you. Therefore, it is still better to get rid of it.
Evaluate all the way, not one point on it
We begin to consider the advice of a psychologist to get rid of feelings of envy and anger with the fact that you need to slightly restructure your perception of yourself and others. The point is that we have already casually mentioned: life as a road, an ongoing process, and not the final result.
We give a simple analogy. Suppose that several people are in the same large kitchen and prepare any dishes. No matter what dishes and for what purpose – they gathered in the kitchen, not for some kind of competition, and they are not preparing for the same specific time. Some of them came earlier, someone later. Someone needed to leave for rare products. Someone’s recipe is quite simple, and therefore he can cook his dish quite quickly, and someone needs to soak for some hours, insist, etc.
And at this point in time, you entered this kitchen (or you even spent some time there). Do you think you can adequately and objectively evaluate the culinary abilities of each of the cooks working in the kitchen? Needless to say no. You simply will not have enough data to conduct any worthwhile analysis.
Try not to forget about this analogy when once again you will compare yourself and other people on the eve of the emergence of feelings of envy and anger. After all, they are at the stages of their lives, you are at the stage of their history, and according to what you have now, it is impossible in principle to objectively compare you.
Take part in constructive revenge
Naturally, by “revenge”, we do not mean revenge as such, but behavior that you can replace it with. Use your anger and frustration not to walk darker than a cloud, but to find the strength, energy, and readiness for new challenges. Consider the success of others not as a reason to treat these people badly, but as a motivator for your own development, for overcoming your insecurity and laziness. Let those who make you jealous, with their achievements, give you an impetus for beneficial changes in your life.
Realize the real value of someone else’s success.
Of course, the world as a whole is not entirely fair, and sometimes people become successful simply because of luck. But still very many of those who are able to cause a feeling of envy and anger put a lot of effort to achieve their goals. They worked on themselves, on their education, on their knowledge, skills, and abilities, showed themselves from the best side at work, we’re not afraid to look for and try something new – in a word, it was not just that they all fell on their heads.
Therefore, looking at them, you should not see the object of envy, but the cause and effect. The man put effort – a man achieved success. There is nothing here that should piss you off. Rather, it is another source of your own motivation.
Exclude envious people from your social circle
Our inner circle has a very strong impact on us, even if we do not notice it. Constant long communication with the same people just cannot pass without a trace. And, unfortunately, sometimes it entails negative consequences.
Even if you are not inherently a particularly envious person, but you communicate a lot with an inveterate envious who you don’t feed with bread – let him gossip and crush bones to other people, then you will gradually start to adopt this habit. Stop before it’s too late. Try to minimize communication with such a person. And if this is not possible, then at least train yourself to immediately transfer the conversation to another topic, as soon as such an interlocutor begins to collect someone else’s dirty laundry. There is nothing wrong with saying that this is of no interest to you and offering to discuss something else.
Remember the other side of the coin
Another good way of thinking in order to get rid of the feelings of envy and anger towards people is an understanding that you do not know everything. A thinner girlfriend may have problems at work, a rich classmate may not get along in his personal life, and so on. “Envious” eyes, as a rule, snatch the best in the position of another person, elevating it to the absolute. Meanwhile, few people can boast that everything in his life is perfect.
However, with this technique, you should not overdo it. You do not need to specifically look for something bad in people or think up non-existent problems for them in order to feel better. Be more mature and more self-sufficient, be above it. Just keep in the background the idea that you don’t know everything about a theoretically successful person, and therefore it makes no sense to envy him.
Be friendly to people
Our world is a place where we have to face many difficulties, where we sometimes have to compete with others and infringe upon other people’s interests. However, this does not mean that the rest of the time we should not be people: thinking, feeling, and understanding. Try in principle to treat people not wary, but kindly.
If a person has achieved something – rejoice for him. If you liked how someone looks, or how he coped with his work – give him a compliment. Believe me, with goodwill in your heart, you yourself will feel much better, calmer and more comfortable. This does not mean that you need to stop respecting yourself or allowing someone to sit on your neck. Just try to wrap everything in the light, not in the dark.
We hope that these tips will help you to get rid of feelings of envy and anger, and become a successful person with peace and harmony in your soul. After all, in the end, your attitude towards other people largely determines your well-being, self-esteem, behavior, motivation. Therefore, use it so that it benefits your life, rather than destroying it – give preference to constructive thoughts and actions.