If you continually think that your partner is going to leave you for another, or just going to leave you, it may be that the situation is getting out of hand and has become an obsession. Insecurity and lack of self-esteem cause many couples to become toxic relationships due to dependence. Your life does not have to revolve around your partner, but a relationship has to be complementary to your life but not the basis of it. In this article, we answer your question about how to overcome the fear of losing someone you love.
How to overcome the fear of losing someone you love?
Having a relationship means sharing hobbies and moments with another person, growing together, but without neglecting our time. If beyond jealousy, you think your life is your partner and that everything revolves around it, you may be entering an emotional dependence loop and something like that must be cut as soon as possible.
Emotional dependence in a relationship
The emotional dependence comes not to learn. We believe that we have everything under control until we get into this situation that catches us without realizing it and this is the danger that must be taken into account to avoid falling into it.
Before you start, consider how your situation is. Your partner goes out with his friends and you stay at home, do you call him constantly? You need to talk with your partner continuously and if one day you don’t talk too much, you worry. Or maybe you’ve left out some friendships, not necessarily totally but partially, and don’t see them as much as before for saying almost nothing or nothing.
Your life is focused on making plans with your partner, either at home or abroad. And nothing happens to spend a lot of time with your partner, but perhaps it has become the basis of your life. Are you still spending time on yourself? Or have you put aside the activities you used to do?
How to know if I am dependent on my partner
When falling in love, many people separate themselves from what they are without realizing it, that is, they lose all their personality and get carried away by the relationship, not as a bad thing but because they want to. They stop spending time to dedicate it to their partners and this causes each one to lose their individuality and lead to dependence.
Dependence on another person causes you to become increasingly suspicious and this means that you get to test your partner. You ask him how much he loves you or if he loves you constantly and you need his affection, be it his words, affection or his presence. Without realizing it, you are creating a rope with which you are tying your partner. This happens because you are becoming insecure.
You have spent so much time with him you no longer conceive life without that person because you have ceased to be yourself. This can have consequences such that instead of bringing the distance closer to your partner, or even causing yourself problems, since if one day the relationship ends, you will not know how to be alone and the pain will be even greater.
If you continually ask yourself questions, the only thing they offer you is pain or suffering around your partner or an uncertain future. Thoughts such as “you will leave me” or “I’m sure you are tired of me” you should be aware of this because a very strong obsession and addiction are being created: emotional dependence. All this will lead you to realize that you become afraid of losing your partner and although in some circumstances it is normal to be afraid of losing someones you love, it is not always something justified, much less good for you or the relationship.
There is also dependence if your relationship has many ups and downs and there are many discussions. In the end, you are still with that person because you think it does or you do more good than bad. You do not see what happens. Although the surrounding people think that such a relationship is unsustainable, you still think that your relationship is strong and that in all relationships. Think well if you are holding on to a burning nail simply because you don’t want to leave that person or if there are more happy moments than sad or angry.
Why do you get to be afraid of abandonment in the couple?
Emotional dependence is reached from the beginning of the relationship. Therefore, both parties have to act so that this does not reach the extreme. When starting a relationship, it is normal to spend a lot of time with that person and get to know him little by little. It seems that you like it more and more every day and you want to spend more time with it. Be careful. At this moment, you can be crossing the line without realizing it. You start putting aside some things to be with your partner or, conversely, it starts asking you for more time together. As we have seen, in a relationship, love is not measured by the time you spend together.
You have to take this into account because, at the beginning of relationships, it is all very beautiful and does not have to stop being. Know how to see things and not be blinded. You have to know how to set limits and know how to be with yourself to be well with another person. Spend time with your partner but also with other people. As you spend time with this person leaving aside the rest, you lose yourself.
Also, the safest is that you idealize your partner. You start to idealize it, thinking that you do not deserve it or that it endures many of your things. But think for a moment: if a person wants to be with you, they will be despite everything, just as you are with that person apart from their defects. If I did not want to be with you, I would not be because no one is obliged to be with anyone, therefore stop thinking this person endures your attitude because you also do it for him or her and it is because you love and love him and this is reciprocal.
Your partner is not as good as you think. It does not mean that he is a bad person, but you may be giving him more positive things than they are exaggerating and idealizing, as we have commented. Pay attention to the people who speak to you from outside since you see it with a blindfold, as they say. It is important to trust the people around us outside the couple as they will give us an objective view of the situation.
How to stop being afraid of my partner leaving me?
Overcome fear of losing someone, start by thinking that your life is a cluster of things and one of them is love, but it is not the main one. Therefore, imagine what would happen if you base your whole life on love and set aside others. When love ends, you will feel nothing. What if the relationship does not end? We are not talking about whether it will end, but keeping in mind that things can end will help you a lot to support this situation.
Do not take anything for granted. In this life, nothing is known, but what is happening in the present. It can happen from all. Some couples last an eternity, others that leave it as soon as they begin and others that believe that they are going to marry and suddenly they separate. Some marry a month after they meet and end up forming a family. A thousand things can happen that change the situation.
People can also stop being in love, but just as it happens to the other person, it can happen to you. If you are with someone, it is because you won’t the other person. Why would I leave you? And thinking that the other person didn’t want to, then ask yourself: would you like to be with a person that you know doesn’t want to be with you? It is better not to retain people if they want to be, they will be and if not, they will not.
What happens if your partner leaves you?
Think for a moment that you no longer want to continue the relationship and what is the worst that could happen. If you have a shared house, you will have to talk about it, solve papers. Or if you have a child in common, you should talk about custody. If you do not have any of this, this paperwork and legal aspects and family problems are avoided, so what else could happen? Yes, do not go to spend more time with that person.
When we enter into a relationship, we get used to being in a relationship and when we leave. It is simply a matter of getting used to it. The love will go away little by little, that heals time, like almost everything, so you must be patient.
Taking aside the pain you feel at the beginning and that will surely heal with time, even if you don’t see it now, the only thing to do when a person leaves us is to get used to it, to return to our life in solitude. And this will be much easier if we have not neglected our activities, our life. It is best to focus on hanging out with our friends and family, supporting each other and keeping us busy.
That’s why it’s so important that you don’t let a relationship absorb you and become dependent and toxic. Think that if your partner leaves you the worst thing that can happen. If you do not have a house or children, you will suffer the loss for a while, but everything will return to normal. Do whatever you want and overcome the fear of losing someone.