Self-esteem is a very important part of the life of the psychological state of any woman. Many women who have low self-esteem, live for years and do nothing with it. Of course, this greatly affects their emotional picture and the very existence in this world. Many of them are simply overgrown with negative energy, which leads to frequent changes in mood, anger, apathy, quarrels with close people and unsettled personal life. It is not uncommon that such women are very talented and capable of much. But they bury these talents and abilities in themselves, thinking that they will not be appreciated, fearing to face criticism at their own address (after all, it will drive them deeper into the corner of the room).
And while these, in actual fact, wonderful and magnificent women delve into themselves, women without complexes and fears occupy their places in public niches, enjoy life, go on dates, fall in love and love, build a career, get married and in a happy marriage give birth to children.
Where do self-doubt and low self-esteem come from?
Most often, low self-esteem stretches from childhood. All of us at an early age focus more on parents than on others. Parents for us an example and authority. We listen to them, we respect and respect their opinion (even if we try to resist). But it happens that the parents themselves dislike their daughter. They do not show enough attention; do not tell their baby that she is beautiful, smart and talented. They weakly and without much enthusiasm support her in undertakings, do not come to dance concerts, to exhibitions at an art school, or to exams at a music school. Excellent marks of the daughter are estimated for granted, and the mark “2” means that she did not bother, lazy.
But since the child has no idea how he himself should evaluate his actions, his behavior and himself as a whole, he takes this example from his parents. That is, from the very smallest, he simply does not know how to praise himself, appreciate and tell him that he is younger and how well he did his homework, what a beautiful picture he painted or how clean he did something in gymnastics.
If you are raising a child of your own, remember: it is better to over-love and re-praise than not to give all that the child needs. “Crown on the head” is better than low self-esteem. It is very important to understand that a child is a personality and individuality and it is not necessary to break it and dictate to him how to sit, how to walk, how to fill the shirt with his pants. He does as he likes and as much as he likes. If it doesn’t hurt anyone, isn’t it bad?
At still preschool age, if the child was not given to understand that he is self-sufficient and good at himself (whatever his slanting eyes or big forehead), then in the future this will unfold a catastrophe. At the very first attempt by classmates to “stump” a girl, she withdraws into herself and each time only makes sure that she is not like everyone else, she is worse than others. Such a child is removed from society, begins to live in his world, and this world with him continues to exist in adult life.
Another cause of insecurity can be the uncertainty of parents. If mom and dad had low self-esteem, then the child most likely absorbed it from them. Do you remember that parents are the first and the biggest example for a baby? So it is from them that he adopts the very habits and behavior that is inherent in a person who does not love himself enough. And copying this behavior, the girl child also begins to treat herself well enough.
In far more rare cases, when parents have raised a fully self-confident daughter, it happens that a woman meets a man who is trying to fulfill her by belittling her. He humiliates her only to appear higher and better. And if a woman fails to realize this in time, then her self-esteem begins to fall sharply. Although it is important to remember that we attract our own reflection. So, there was a reason to meet just such a man.
The same thing can happen because of failures in school or at work. A person who always succeeded in absolutely everything finished school with a gold medal and a university with a red diploma simply does not know how to accept failures. He did not practice this, did not learn. Since women are more emotional, when they first fall in life (if it took place in a more adult age) they can simply withdraw into themselves, write off everything on a long black line and bury themselves in depression. So they begin to disappear pride.
What needs to be realized?
It is very important for a woman with low self-esteem to realize that whatever she is, she is beautiful anyway. On each book, there is a reader. So it is with people. No matter how difficult your character may be, no matter how far your model may be from your model – you are beautiful! Yes, you may not be taken to advertise the clothes of French expensive brands and walk on the runway. But there are people who love you and there will be those who will love. You can impose on yourself the idea that nobody likes you like this. But, believe me, somewhere there is definitely a person who cannot take his eyes off you. One likes this, the other – full. Some like brunettes, others like blondes. Some kicks from women with short hair, others – with a long. And you are not an exception to any of the rules.
In addition, you need to sit down and understand: what exactly is the cause of your own dislike for yourself. Take a sheet of paper and draw two columns. In one, write down the reasons, and in the other, what you could change in your life and do to eliminate this cause.
In addition to the above, you need to learn how to be happy. Only a happy person can love himself. And inner happiness cannot be if you do not engage in their own self-development. Set a goal to live better, start changing something every day, motivate yourself, and you will not even notice how you will begin to treat yourself better.
And, of course, insults. A happy, self-sufficient person is not offended or angry at anyone. If you have any problems with this, then start by eliminating them. If you have a tap flowing, then it’s foolish to just put a basin under it. It is necessary to repair the tap itself and fix the leak. So here. To love yourself analyze, find the true causes and work, for a start, with them.
What to do to improve self-esteem?
Stop reproaching yourself. Even if you made a mistake, accept it. She already happened. Tell yourself that you have gone through this path, and you are proud of yourself that you have coped with difficulties. Promise that you will not make the same mistake in the future and will keep your promise.
Make a list of what you wanted as a child, what your parents gave you, and what you feel in your adult life that they didn’t give you. To get something, the easiest way is to organize something for yourself. Therefore, if you are not fond of – love yourself. If you once wanted a cool phone for coming of age, but your parents did not give it to you, buy yourself this phone. If your mother did not tell you that you are a princess, then come every morning to the mirror, smile at the reflection and sincerely say: “I am a princess!”
And finally stop waiting for someone to praise you and ask others how they are your new hairstyle, your figure, your dress. Do you like? Fine! Do everything that you like (within reason). Everything that you yourself considers normal and correct is normal and correct. There will always be people who will like you and who will not. This is the law of life. Accept it and learn to live with it.
Do not hesitate compliments. Stop thinking that you are being teased or flattered. With your head held the high answer: “Thank you! I’m so pleased!”.
As for the shortcomings, remember that they all have. Absolutely every person. Someone’s legs are too short, someone has fat on the sides hanging down, someone has a wide nose … Nobody is an exception. If the person was perfect, he would most likely sicken people. Your “flaws” – your zest. Without them, you would no longer be you. Learn to take them.
Start everything up to the end. Your every action and decision should have a logical point of completion. Do not depart from ideas and plans.
And understand this: there are people who are better than you in something. Someone sings better, someone draws, someone knits, someone understands the technique perfectly. But you are definitely better than someone in your field. Want more? Evolve. Learn new, read books, find a hobby.
Attend training and workshops on self-esteem. You can simply find them on the Internet or buy a book in a store. Of course, there you will not find a recipe for the “magic pill”, but they will encourage you to work on yourself. In addition, at the seminars and training give various exercises to improve self-esteem and their own confidence. Most of them are very effective.
Smaller delve into the negative, more – in the beautiful. Begin to meditate, visualize and even dream. Read about how to do it correctly. Do not keep a sea of negative in your inner box. Throw it into space and fill yourself with light.
Surround yourself with a society that you think will help to succeed. Do not be afraid to get rid of unnecessary people and connections, from those who hurt you or betrayed you. These people will not change but will take the place of those who could be your real close friend, a great wise boss, a pleasant companion or a future spouse. To get new – you need to get rid of the old.
Write down your positive qualities, achievements, successes. Don’t miss anything. After the work is done, take a look at how much you have a lot of talents and how great you are!
If you are lonely, then go on dates more often.
Communicate more with people, try to work at your favorite work, and smile more often!