If you feel that your husband doesn’t love you as much as he used to, you may be heartbroken and you are probably afraid of what the future might bring. These feelings are normal because the challenge you are facing can be overwhelming. However, you must know that there is hope. You can find a way to overcome this, whether it means finding the strength to walk away or making the effort to fix your marriage. With the right tools, you can return to a happy, healthy life with fulfilling relationships.
Before taking permanent steps to end your relationship, it is important to understand why your husband is behaving this way. Your partner is more likely to love you, but you are in a difficult relationship phase. If that’s the case, your marriage can be saved, and there are many ways to do it. As relationships progress, the initial spark tends to fade. This means that the passion that once consumed your marriage, the dizzying phase with constant laughter, compliments and physical intimacy, also tends to diminish. This is completely normal, and it is a healthy step in a lifelong marriage.
As life goes on, stress levels rise and other challenges appear. Think back to when you and your husband met. Everything you did together was probably a joy, even if it was simple adult tasks like paying bills or cleaning the house. Now, think about how these things fit into your life today. The tasks themselves have likely gone from being a joy to being a stressor in your relationship. You have grown, changed, and gone through great things together. This added stress can cause negative emotions to develop between you and your husband, even if these negative emotions are not about the other person. So, is your partner just plain stressed out?
Abusive behavior with respect to relationship challenges
Also look at your disagreements and study how they end. Is your husband behaving abusive from a place of hatred or is he frustrated and lonely in the relationship? Is something else going on in her life that she doesn’t know about or that could affect him? You will want to find these answers before giving up on the relationship.
Spouses who behave in a toxic way will end arguments in one of two ways: First, they can withdraw, becoming quieter and more distant over time. Second, they can become more and more explosive. They may never reach the apology stage or show any emotion about the pain they cause. Even when the arguments are completely healthy, a toxic partner will repeatedly display these traits.
That said, you will want to make sure your discussions are healthy, as this is an important part of any marriage. When you are in the midst of a disagreement, remember to speak calmly and avoid accusations. Stand up for yourself, but also look at areas where you may be able to improve or take responsibility. If you are unable to reach agreement on an issue, there should be some sort of compromise or “agreement to disagree” solution.
It is also essential to avoid personal attacks when a disagreement occurs. It can be easy and tempting to bring up past problems or personal blame, but it’s not necessary or helpful. These tactics tend to bring out a defensive side of the other person, taking healthy disagreements onto a darker path.
Another topic to consider in disagreements is self-esteem. According to a Yale University study, seeing a relationship as completely good or completely bad is a sign of low self-esteem. Relationships have ups and downs; this is simply part of being close to another human being. If you consider them successful in good times and unsuccessful in difficult times, it will make things even more difficult.
When you have low self-esteem, it can be more difficult to have healthy discussions. This is because, if you are unsure of yourself, you are more likely to feel like others are attacking you even when they are trying to communicate things in a helpful and kind way. If you are struggling with low self-esteem, you will need to take care of yourself before you can take care of your partner. If your partner has low self-esteem, he will have to do the same.
If your husband is struggling with low self-esteem, this may be why he seems to hate you from time to time. Social withdrawal is a symptom of low self-esteem, as well as hostility, and you may see both in your relationship. If your husband is unhappy with himself, he apologizes excessively, or seems upset about how he looks or performs, he may need help with his self-esteem before you can work on your relationship.
Signs of repairable relationship
- Other stressors that affect the relationship
- Healthy arguments
- Low self-esteem
Signs of abusive relationships
- Emotions in retreat
- Explosive arguments
- Personal attacks
Tips for moving forward
Whether you are in a difficult situation in your marriage or your relationship is unrecoverable, there are ways to overcome it. If you are in a relationship where you can no longer reason with your spouse, you may want to consider leaving. With a little resilience and the help of a trusted therapist, you can return to a happy place in life. If you are simply in a routine relationship, try the methods below to improve your relationship.
Go to appointments
As your relationship progresses and the passion fades, it can be difficult to take time out of your romance commitments. However, a regular date can make a significant difference in your marriage. Consider choosing a day of the week and turning it into a “date night”. Go out for dinner, take a movie night at home, or explore a nearby attraction. Have fun, laugh and get close to your partner. Through dating and simply spending time together, you can take your relationship back to a healthier place.
Talk to each other
When life gets busy, remember to take the time to talk to each other too. Communication is one of the most important aspects in a relationship, and a lack of communication can lead to a wide variety of challenges. Talk to your husband and ask him about his day. Learn about the struggles they can face and inform them of all the difficulties that you too are going through. Ask them how they feel about the relationship and tell them how you feel. By keeping communication open, doubts are eliminated and you discover how to grow closer to each other every day.
Reduce your stress levels
If your relationship problems are caused by stress, do your best to eliminate the stressors. Get adequate rest, exercise, and eat well. Consider deep breathing, meditation, and other stress management techniques. By allowing yourself to feel more relaxed and happy, you will have more energy to put into your relationship and you will get closer to your partner because of it. See our Burnout Guide for more.
Seek professional help
When the above tactics are simply not enough, you may want to consider reaching out to a professional. Mental health therapists can work with you on your relationship, whether you are in a normal routine or are married to someone who exhibits toxic behavior. A therapist can provide an unbiased point of view to show you what you need to do to make things better for you.
Online therapy, such as using Serenis, is another option. A recent study looked at how well people think online couples therapy has worked for them. Fifteen couples were interviewed and when they finished, the majority said their experience was beneficial and positive. While some of them were initially concerned about the distance between them and the therapist, they said a video call allowed them to be fully immersed in the therapeutic process, feel more in control, and still connect well with the therapist.
Online therapy has many other benefits as well. Serenis has many therapists, which means that you and your partner have the space and flexibility to find the right person for you. And while money is a topic you argue about often, online therapy tends to be less expensive than traditional face-to-face therapy.
No matter what struggles you are facing in your relationship, there is hope. If you are in a hateful marriage, consider finding the strength to leave. If your relationship is healthy but unhappy, work with your partner to get things back on track together. Whatever you decide, a qualified therapist can help you. You deserve happiness and are strong enough to overcome even the most difficult relationship problems. Take the first step towards a fulfilling relationship today.